Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween

Dont be fooled by the original !!!!!


Tourist Trap

Ya know,
I aint much on small town politics but I do think people take it wayyyy to far.
Ya see, I moved here from New Mexico years ago and pretty much hid out.
I didnt associate with my former friends and cleaned my act up....Pat Garrett and I made a ton of money faking my death and I also figured it was enough to live on the rest of my life and people would quit trying to collect the reward money and I could live in peace....
Now I had been a good boy for years and (just sheer STUPIDITY) made me come out of hiding and try to get the pardon I was promised. That and I wanted to get my life straight before I met my maker. Who knew I would still be alive at this stage of the game.
Anyway, A few locals believed me and decided to capitalize on MY FAME! People just would'nt leave me alone so I found an old man living under the Bosque River bridge and asked him to die in my place. I feed him a good meal and led him to the Lord (just so he'd be on the up and up) and gave him his last request....all he had ever wanted was to be for a very short time he was "THE" "BILLY THE KID" who could ask for more??
Well then Judge Hefner wrote a book or two and next thing you know...
there is a BILLY THE KID craft fair,barbeque,street dance,museum,,
Hell they even put up a statue of me with guns blazing,,shooting right down main street.(although it looks like Paul Revere to me.)
Not long ago this clown Ron Powers was trying to drum up business for his whore's failing coffee shop so he had red and white checkerd boxers painted on My statue and called the paper to take pictures ( just for publicity) All the ladies know I wear long-handles or nothing and everyone knows it was the name (Verve?) that killed her business, so basically it was all for nothing.
Now the Mayor just gave up his post but not before he made his own killin...
He started the annual "Rib-eye Steak Cook Off; Beef Symposium; and Tourist Trap ...
Which was actually a pretty good Idea since he owned the only Steak-House in Town...
Lots of free advertisment at the citizens expence. then he got all the leftover Rib-Eyes at cost
or cheaper if you know what I mean?!?!?!?!?
At least he admitted it was a tourist trap?
Hico was already known as a speed trap!
Well now New Mexico wants to keep Hico from getting all the tourism from MY NAME!!!

I guess they want to be the only BTK tourist trap!!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Condoms ?

Boy times have changed! I was in a gas station filling my dodge up (sure miss my horse) and this kid was standing at the counter eye-bawlin the tobacco,lookin like he was dissapointed cause they didnt have his brand. (I dont think he was old enough to smoke) He finally asked the clerk...
(kid) Do you sell condoms?

(clerk) Not in this town?

(kid) Dosn't anyone in this town care about Aids?

(clerk) Do you suspect your wife has Aids?

(kid) I'm not Married!

(clerk) Then you dont need any condoms!

Kids these days are growing up fast..(I shouldnt be talking; I killed 21 men by the time I was 21)
They run off from home and try to make a go of it on thier own and end up runnin back to thier folks for help...I never had no help...

These two old 90 year old ladies were smoking outside a nursing home (it was raining)
lady #1.... Why do you have that rubber on your cigarette?
lady #2.... These things cost to much to get em wet!
lady #1.... Good Idea!!...(so she goes to the drug store and ask the Drugist...)
lady #1.... Do you have any Condoms?
drugist.... (looking puzzled) he said they come in all shapes and sizes....what size would you like?
lady #1.... you pick! just make sure it will fit a Camel
( the drugest passed out)
Billy the Kid

Thursday, October 27, 2005

OOOOHHHH ! What a Night !

Sometimes I just cant believe how lucky I am. Ways back when, when O'l Pat Garrett was shootin at me, he used to miss and I'd laugh out loud!!! (which would just help him zoom in on my actuall position) . But ever since then I had me some tremendous amount of luck cept for the time the damn Governor of New Mexico wouldn't give me the pardon I asked for...
The only pardon he gave me was "Pardon me as I proceed to hang you out to dry, Biaach! "
Now Just recently the Town Officials of Hico decided to get rid of the Local Police Dept. and just let the Sheriff be the Law (we all know how I feel about Sheriff's and Posse's".)
Well ever since then I've seen more Law Enforcers in town than a dog has fleas, but I just LUCK right by em...
I was out at my favorite waterin hole last night and havin one hellova time when I thought one of the Posse had found my hide-out; but it turned out to be a female posse (spelled a little different) and we shore had a time. after a dance and a few sasparilla's we decided to take the shin-dig to her place....
OOOOHHH ! What A Night !
It's been quite a time since I held a woman "the way I held her" and I'll tell you one thing...I just can't get her off my mind... Just like she could'nt get me Peepers off her Breast...
(Billy's been Captured!)
My Heads been spinnin all day and I feel like a rooster at a sorrority sleep-over.
Hopein to see "Betty" soon. just felt right! Billy and Betty the Kid