Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Two Women and One Outlaw !!

I dont know why Ladies love Outlaws.
I'm basically a nice guy (ceptin the men gunned down and a few bank jobs) other than that I just try to be a good guy...But lately I have been propositioned by more women in the same week than I have in all my younger years...(maybe it's my beer gut and they think its a sack of cash) Anyway this good looking gal has been actively pursuing me but the timing was always wrong.
Well Kate (thats her name) noticed my Beer Gut and figured Her way to my heart was thru my stomach so she made me a fantastic looking cake and brought it to me...When she showed up at my hide-out (remember the bad timing?) I was currently having a drink with a gal that was two shots of tequilla away from jumping up on the table naked and doin the wild monkey dance. when all the sudden Kate walked in the door with a delicious looking cake. She was just a bit surprised to find Edith climbing up on the table with a shotglass in one hand and her blouse in the other. Now let me tell you one thing about me...I have always been a man who could handle a situation (usually with a little gun play) so I wispered to Edith that Kate had brought her a birthday cake so she would figure thats why Kate showed up... Then being the coniving bastard I am,I told Kate that Edith was a little tipsy and wanted to pretend she was a stripper in a night club but was a little shy and wanted me to pretend to be a customer (I LOVE ROLL PLAYING!)
Edith got up and stripped down to her panties (looked like colored butt floss) and then asked if I wanted a Lap dance!!! Well Hell yea! but Kate was starting to give my those go to hell looks and I told Edith that it would'nt be such a good idea cause in a strip club you were not allowed to touch the dancers and with two good-looking gals in the room I didnt trust myself to obey the rules (neither did sheriff Pat Garret) but Kate suggested it would be okay if my hands were tied,which totally caught me by surprise because of the looks she was giving me earlier.
So Kate tied my hands to the chair so I couldn't break the rules and Edith climbed up and straddled my lap putting her feet on the seat of my chair and proceeded to sway and bend and squat and girate and Kate could see my excitment in the form of a pup tent in my wranglers and asked if I wanted to touch Edith... Well Hell YEA! but she then reminded me of the rules and my promise to the Govorner of New Mexico and said SHE would touch her since my hands were tied and I wouldn't be breaking any rules... Well that wasn't actually what I had in mind but (in my twisted mind) I had an Idea! If Kate started rubbin all over this fine lookin woman I would be in like flint for a threesome by the time the game was over, so I agreed. I told her to touch her breast first and then slide her hand around to her tummy, Kate did just that and I thought this was cooler than a desert morning in a cave....then when I directed her to another spot, all the sudden it was like she wasn't listening...then I noticed Edith had taken Kate's Face and pushed it Hard into her firm breast and Edith had started undressing Kate and before I knew it the two of them were on the floor twisting and wiggling and rubbing each other like two Possum's in a gunny sack fightin to get free... I hollered for Kate to untie me but instead she shoved a handful of cake in my face to shut me up which gave her an Idea...
Both gals started rubbing cake all over each other and licking it off and here I am tied up like a fool. after a few hours they took a shower together (not that there was any cake left on either one of them) ... I suspect they were still working each others kinks out til I finally got free and found they had crawled out the window....DAMN...I missed out on one hell of a time...but when I got out of the shower I found one piece of cake left on the kitchen table with a recipe next to it..
The name of the cake you won't believe ...."better than sex"... bullshit ..it is not!! but it is good!!
so the morale of the story must be...
You can have your cake and eat it too!!! But you can't have your Kate and Edith too!



Better than Sex ?


Billy the Kid

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Texas Turkey

Here in the Great State of Texas we love our Turkey (wild turkey)
I cant count the times I've seen a Texas Turkey (armadillo) on the side of the road drowning his sorrows over a bottle of Lone Star Beer, cause on of his family members was Flat broke or one of lifes problems had him Crushed...
I get together with family (inlaws and outlaws) and have a feast every year about this time and I often wonder what we would be eating if the Indians would have killed a Cat instead of a Turkey....
Happy Turkey Day!!! to everyone...

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Jesus and Bartenders Hear It All !!


Have you ever felt like Dorothy in the Wizzard of Oz ? Like the whole world was twisting around you and you either had to move with it or get out of the way?
I tend to be a story-teller...A person who finds pleasure out of tellin a good story ( I,m not talking about the story Pat Garrett told about shootin me), mine are not for personal gain but for fun. A good story-teller can put you in his shoes and help you to visualize what he is talking about, We used to sit around the campfire and tell stories to each other just to past the time. Some people have a knack for it and others just screw it up! I tell so many that friends find it hard to know when I'm serious or not....well...this one is the Real Deal, A No Shitter (Now why would I lie about a thing like that???)
I was in this waterin hole one time and someone made a comment about one of my hero's not being a real hero... Let me tell you right now that if you wanna rile me up just start slingin mud at my buddy Scoobie-Doo... OK ,maybe Shaggy and Scoobie were stoners ,it's possible, Yes I know they are a little paranoid and yes I know they always have the munchies but maybe running around chasing ghost makes you hungry, and maybe the villian mixed microdot in with the Scoobie Snacks or the Mystery Machine's exhaust is getting to everyone... But Scoobie-Doo has on numerous ocaisions tripped up, caught, exposed, trapped, sniffed out or uncovered the villian more than anyone on the show!!!
So I started telling the bartender I needed to use the phone to call in some back-up .
She made some smartass comment like "Who ya gonna call, Ghost Busters?" Now I'm Pissed.
Nobody's gonna get away with that king of talk... So I grabbed the next plane outta there and headed for New York "seemes this time of year all my ol runnin buddies head north for the holiday's.. when I got off the plane I just headed out, searching for some backup help...
The streets were extremely crowded and many of my friend were tied up..
Charlie Brown was busy playing football,Bullwinkle was chasing Rocky down the street,That idiot Woody Woodpecker just laughed at me, Gumby was doing the hoky-poky, Even Kermit the Frog was too busy running around with the Cat in the Hat to want to help... But at last I got a thumbs up from Garfield so I,m just gonna sit tight and ride the train back knowing help is on the way " Tell me Scoobie-Doo ain't real... Tell me I'm Lying???
Jesus and Bartenders hear it All....!!!!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Fast and Furious !


Boy I'm tellin ya, holidaze are here before ya know it!!
I was headin to my favorite waterin hole and just about got into a bottle neck of traffic on Hwy 6 and hwy 281... seem everyone was tring to get into the Koffee Kup Kafe at the same time for one of thier famous $25.00 slices of meringue...So I cut a left at the plumbers, ran the stop sign in front of the police station (out of respect) and

as I crossed the Bosque River I saw a little water under the bridge and remembered how I used to fish up from the park and how I used to be impressed with all the quietness of Hico...
Now its Fast and Furious and ever man for himself...
Bulldos for everyone!!! in a hurry gotta go!!!

Friday, November 18, 2005

"Oceanaria"

O..cean..aria
There's so much that isn't seen.
the waters calm on top,
But there's so much more beneath.

I stand alone observing,the different shades of blue;
Your beauty is most obvious,
But I know there's more to you...

The shore surrounds the water,
and holds it in its place.
But it can't restrain the life beneath,
It's confined to its own space..

Sometime's feelings overflow,
At times they run away..
Just like the waves that crash the shore,
then race back to the bay.

Life beneath the Horizon,
Can show itself at will.
It can jump with jubulation,
or submerse and just be still.

I for one, live on the edge.
Ride the waves out to the calm.
To my Sweet Oceanaria,
To you I give this song.

Man of Conviction...


I am a Man of Conviction...



I shattered these walls...






Spent my life in a bottle...







Cut myself , had to crawl







Stared down the barrel of a 45..

Dared the man on the other side..

To have the guts to pull the trigger!!!

I am a man of conviction...


Promises kept, Promises broken...

I left nothing uncertain...

I took the lower road,

My back bent to carry my load...

I made a fool of myself most days...

never cared for what the others say...

Living my life day by day...

I am a man of conviction...

Convicted of loving one girl too much...

Sentenced to live without her touch...




Convicted of somehow forgetting GOD...






Sentenced to life of HELL on EARTH...





She ain't coming back...
Though I never told even a lie...
It wasn't my intention...

I am a man of conviction!!!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Trying to Get aHEAD !

After all I've been through in this life I have found its almost impossible to get ahead...

Sometimes the weight of the world is just too much and I feel like there's a giant hand crushing my skull....shoving me back into the dust from whence I came.

Times are hard and "The Man" keeps you down to where its almost impossible to make an HONEST living. (which is why I went to stealin in the first place.)
The only way I was to get outta the thievin occupation was to cut a sweet deal with Pat Garrett and split my own reward money..
Plus the extra money we would make off of my supposed Death makin him famous (I would later get a piece of his story sellin money...

I mean $5000.00 aint squat these days (couldnt buy a decent horse) but back then you could get 2 Sin-yorita's and a bottle of whisky for a $5.00 gold piece.

A good stiff drink cost around $5.00 and a decent motel room is way above $50.00
when I first started out (as a KID!)
by bounty wasnt $50.00!

makes me wanna go back into the business!!!

BTK